Our Family Summer 2008

Our Family Summer 2008
Brandon, Stacy, Samantha Kailey & Trenton

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Letter to Trevor

Dear Trevor:

 I have so much to tell you that I never got to say. Not a day goes by that you don't come to my mind. Not a day goes by when I don't miss you. You are talked about ALOT in our home. Anytime we talk about our family, your big sister Kailey is always quick to remind me that you are still in our family only you live with Jesus now. She still has a chair for you at our dining table. She always reminds me that is where you would have sat if you would have been able to stay with us. Trenton talks about you too. Anytime he sees a picture of Jesus, he tells me that Trevor is with Jesus. And anytime he sees a picture of Jesus with a baby or child, He always says that is Trevor with Jesus. We miss you so much. I miss looking down at my belly and knowing you were there. Sometimes I feel as though I carry an empty tomb with me everywhere I go. I just can't escape it. I miss those sweet little kicks I felt late at night. I know by now they would be much stronger. I miss not being able to prepare a room for you. We took down the crib in your big brothers room last week. I cried after we put it away. I know you would have been sleeping in it real soon. I miss the excitement I should be feeling right now in anticipation of your birth. I was looking so forward to the month of June. Now most days, I just dread it. I miss the loss of sleep I should be having now. I should be losing sleep from the discomfort of you being so big in my tummy. Instead I loose sleep as I lay and wonder how I will make it through my due date without you. I miss the heartburn I would be complaining about. I have 2 full bottles of Tums that would have been long gone by now. I already miss not having a new baby boy to hold in a couple of weeks. I miss not being able to show you off to all my family and friends. I know how much you would have been loved here! I already miss those hours I would have spent just holding you and rocking you. I miss all the time I would have spent nursing you those first 12 months of your life.I miss those sweet slobbery kisses I know you would have given me. I miss those sweet little chubby cheeks I know you would have had. I miss that sweet baby smell after a bath. That is one of the closest things to heaven that I have known on earth. I know you would have been my little man just like your big brother. I miss you. I wanted to be your mommy more than you could ever know. I know in my heart that you have a far better life than daddy or I could have ever given you. I know you are in a much better place. Through my sorrow I take comfort in knowing you are with Jesus. As much as I know I LOVE you, he loves you even more. I know he will take good care of you until we can meet again. I look forward to that day. Good night baby boy. I love you.

Love,
Mommy

6 comments:

  1. I think of you often as your due date approaches. Losing a child is the worst experience anyone can imagine. Your letter is beautiful and is a wonderful tribute to the love your family feels for Trevor.
    Wishing you much grace and peace,
    Luke, Whitney, and Isabella

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  2. Friend of mine...this post brought me to tears...I remember both of our struggles as we were both trying to conceive with our second one...but this has got to be oh, so much harder..I will be praying for you...brandi

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  3. I loved this letter! When is your was your due date? I love the necklace! I had bought one before she designed this one and it made me want to get this one also :) Something about wearing their name and seeing their name melts your heart... I'm praying for you so much durning this time.

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  4. Thanks so much for the kind words and prayers Whitney & family. They are felt & appreciated greatly.

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  5. Brandi:

    I am so glad that we have been able to reconnect via fb. I thought of you often throughout the years. I thought of infertility struggles & wondered if God had blessed you the way he had blessed us. I am so glad to now know. Thank you.

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  6. Ashley:

    My due date was June 16th which is the day Brandon will leave for Malaysia so I will need ALOT of prayer. I searched high & low before I found that necklace and I LOVE it. I almost ordered one for you but thought you may already have it. I hope you have a great week. Love ya.

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