Saturday October 15th is a day set aside to remember/celebrate babies lost too soon to miscarriage or still birth. As those of us who lost babies know we remember them much more often than one day a year but I am thankful for a mom who has taken the time to get a day set aside to remember them. That being said, my heart is heavy today and I want to share something with all of you suffering from repeated miscarriages. BE PROACTIVE! You know your body better than anyone else. Just over 20 months ago I lost Trevor at 17 weeks. I have no words to better describe that than TOTAL SHOCK! I have had 3 easy, healthy pregnancies resulting in 3 healthy children (I know, I am truly blessed). The doctor wrote Trevor off as just being incompatible with life. Just try again he said. At my follow-up appointment after the dnc I requested an exam (Not something I enjoy but I wanted to be certain everything was ok before we decided to try again). I was told exams don't tell you anything. Therefore he refused to do one. I sucked it up and went on with life. In July I found out we were expecting again. Thrilled, I called his office. The doctor wouldn't see me for several weeks. I called back concerned with some things I knew weren't right. I was told if I was going to miscarry there was nothing anyone could do. We won't see you before your scheduled appointment I was told. Unfortunately that was too late. When I went in to see him post miscarriage. I again was told incompatible with life. Brandon questioned the doctor this time. He said we have had 3 healthy pregnancies and now 2 losses. Can we do an exam, ultrasound, something? Can we see if something has changed? Again, we were told exams tell you nothing, ultrasounds won't show us anything. Again, we were told no. And....Just keep trying. I remember sitting there broken hearted thinking does he even realize we are talking about a baby? Our baby. A baby our family has celebrated! We went on our way. In October we found out we were expecting again. Another wonderful birthday gift! (I found out about Trevor in October too!) Again, same results.
September 27, 2011. After months of issues, I see a different doctor. He immediately does an exam. He immediately notices that things are not where they should be. He tells me he suspects fibroids. It was as if Brandon read my mind as he voiced the question...."I know we can't go back in time but would fibroids cause miscarriage?" Most definately was the response of the doctor. The doctors next words would break my heart once again...."Did you ever have an ultrasound with any of those pregnancies?" "No", I responded. "Not even an exam". The look of shock on his face said it all. It was one of the most difficult moments of my life. Sitting there, with the realization that at least 2 of my babies were NOT just incompatible with life. Instead, it was fibroids growing in my body taking over my uterus to the point that there was no spot for the fetus to attach. The ultrasound confirmed that. Again, let me say it...the ultrasound confirmed that! The ultrasound we had requested on more than one occassion. But this doctor knew upon exam that my uterus was pushed way out of place by the fibroids. Hmmmm.....so maybe exams do tell us something. Now my faith tells me that God is in control and what happened to me is all a part of HIS plan for me. However I felt like I should share my story. I think all to often babies lost to miscarriage are so common that doctors don't see the need or point of investigating since most miscarriages are out of anyones control. While I will never know if mine could have been prevented. I know that I would have had the fibroids taken care of before "trying again" after Trevor. If you know in your heart that something isn't right and you have a doctor who really isn't listening. Please get a second opinion. Find a doctor who will do an exam, ultrasound or whatever you need to know that there isn't more going on. I have learned that in addition to the fibroids, I have 2 other issues going on as well. It was a miracle that I even conceived 2 babies (after Trevor) in 2010. As the other issues almost always result in infertility. Those 2 babies are truly little miracles. Again, God is in control! I do not know what my future holds, but I do know that HE is in control and HE will NEVER leave me. For that, I am truly thankful.
"And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:5
20 hours ago