Today I have a heavy heart. Those of you who know me best can probably tell based on all my entries today. I have found that on this journey the thing that helps me the most outside of being in God's word and talking with him is to write. I can write, I can cry, I can talk to God and write some more. It is so good for my soul! Brandon & I have tried & tried to find some time to make it to Woodward to look at grave stones. Our schedules have just not allowed for it. A big part of me has been relieved because at times I resent having to look for a grave stone when I know in my heart I would be picking out a nursery theme and cute little outfits right now. You know looking for just the right outfit to take him home from the hospital in. Adorable-yet comfortable all wrapped in one! The other part of me-the detailed part knows I need to get this done. It is really the final thing I can do for Trevor here on Earth. Yes, I know he is Heaven-he could care less about some silly stone down here. He is seeing streets of gold! But for me it's something we will have to remember him by. A material tribute to him. I drove out to the cemetary this evening by myself. It is the first time I have been there alone. It was a beautiful evening. So I just sat and talked to God for awhile. The breeze barely blowing through my hair. I could just sense the holy spirits presence there with me. I could just feel the love that my Savior has for me. He knows how much I hurt because he too hurts. I know on this journey he is always there right with me. I find great comfort in that. Brandon & I have planned (for a couple of weeks now) to take off tomorrow afternoon and look at grave stones. We have know idea what to expect. We have no idea what we want. Please pray that it will all be clear when we see it.
"Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy." Psalm 126:5
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