I have so much to tell you that I never got to say. Not a day goes by that you don't come to my mind. Not a day goes by when I don't miss you. You are talked about ALOT in our home. Anytime we talk about our family, your big sister Kailey is always quick to remind me that you are still in our family only you live with Jesus now. She still has a chair for you at our dining table. She always reminds me that is where you would have sat if you would have been able to stay with us. Trenton talks about you too. Anytime he sees a picture of Jesus, he tells me that Trevor is with Jesus. And anytime he sees a picture of Jesus with a baby or child, He always says that is Trevor with Jesus. We miss you so much. I miss looking down at my belly and knowing you were there. Sometimes I feel as though I carry an empty tomb with me everywhere I go. I just can't escape it. I miss those sweet little kicks I felt late at night. I know by now they would be much stronger. I miss not being able to prepare a room for you. We took down the crib in your big brothers room last week. I cried after we put it away. I know you would have been sleeping in it real soon. I miss the excitement I should be feeling right now in anticipation of your birth. I was looking so forward to the month of June. Now most days, I just dread it. I miss the loss of sleep I should be having now. I should be losing sleep from the discomfort of you being so big in my tummy. Instead I loose sleep as I lay and wonder how I will make it through my due date without you. I miss the heartburn I would be complaining about. I have 2 full bottles of Tums that would have been long gone by now. I already miss not having a new baby boy to hold in a couple of weeks. I miss not being able to show you off to all my family and friends. I know how much you would have been loved here! I already miss those hours I would have spent just holding you and rocking you. I miss all the time I would have spent nursing you those first 12 months of your life.I miss those sweet slobbery kisses I know you would have given me. I miss those sweet little chubby cheeks I know you would have had. I miss that sweet baby smell after a bath. That is one of the closest things to heaven that I have known on earth. I know you would have been my little man just like your big brother. I miss you. I wanted to be your mommy more than you could ever know. I know in my heart that you have a far better life than daddy or I could have ever given you. I know you are in a much better place. Through my sorrow I take comfort in knowing you are with Jesus. As much as I know I LOVE you, he loves you even more. I know he will take good care of you until we can meet again. I look forward to that day. Good night baby boy. I love you.
The Hardest Part
8 hours ago