Our Family Summer 2008

Our Family Summer 2008
Brandon, Stacy, Samantha Kailey & Trenton

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Financial PEACE University Jr.

I recently purchased a product for our family. I purchased the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University Jr. program. The box came on Monday night and my girls could not wait to open it. So Monday night as we ate dinner together we listened to the CD that came with it. Junior was the host on the cd and went over how to use the program on a child's level. I labeled each girl's envelopes with their names (so we wouldn't have fights over them). The envelopes are pre-labeled Give, Save & Spend just like the adult program. The CD covered how to use each one. The girls are so excited as we are going through everything! Also included was a book that I read to everyone. I finish reading the book, still thinking everyone is as excited as I am. Kailey looks at me with the most serious of looks and says "Mom are you done yet? I am really tired of listening to this" ( I really dread her teen years). Realizing we need to move a little faster. Then we filled out each girl's commission (allowance) chart. The chores they are responsible for. Some they will be paid commission on, some they will not. Then the items they will be fined for ie arguing with a sibling, leaving clothes & toys out etc. At the end of each week we will tally what they will be paid commission for and what they have lost due to fines. The difference will be their earnings. Samantha can make up to $10.00 ($1.00 per year of age) per week. Kailey can make up to $5.00. Thankfully when we she heard how much she could earn, Kailey's enthusiam returned! I am AMAZED at the PEACE this has already brought our household. I know it has only been 2 days. But the arguments that have already been avoided because the girls don't want to be fined. I hear an argument about to start and I can just look toward the chart and SILENCE. I have been praying for months for my kids. They fight non-stop. If their together someone is in a fight. When they are apart the one with me is always asking about the one missing and stating how much they miss the other. The minute they are back together-ANOTHER FIGHT. I wonder did they miss the fighting? Since losing Trevor this has really burdened me. I have felt convicted that God chose them to be siblings and they need to love and encourage each other. I really want my kids to be lifelong friends! Now I know they are just kids and some fighting is Normal. But I can't handle the constant fighting. After having Samantha I struggled with infertility for several years and was even told by my doctor that I would be unable to have any more children. Praise God! He was wrong. Anyway, during that time Samantha was 3 years old and didn't know what was going on. She had started asking & praying for a baby sister. She prayed every night & before every meal for 1+ years. This was truly my first encounter with that childlike faith that God clearly speaks of in His Word. She never gave up hope! Then God blessed us with Kailey. So now many times when the girls are fighting, we are quick to remind Samantha that this is the sister she prayed for. Kailey is the sister that God wanted her to have. She always smiles a guilty half-smile because she knows we are right. Anyway, I am really excited about this program and hope the PEACE in our household continues. The girls learning how to use their money according to God's plan will be a Bonus! My heart desires nothing more than the following verse:

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from in it" Proverbs 22:6

Monday, February 22, 2010

Journey to June-The Garage Sale

I am writing tonight because I covet your prayers. I know many of you have been praying for us and I appreciate it far more than I can ever say. For without your prayers I know I could not make it through the tough days. I am going to start a series called Journey to June. I feel like I am on a journey and although it is not the one I would have chose for myself, God has placed me on this journey. I would like for as many of you who are willing to journey with me. It's called Journey to June because my due date was June 16th. As each day passes I know I am getting closer to the date I dread so much. Now as many of you know all of my children have been anxious to leave the womb and meet their mommy face to face. lol. So I have NEVER made it to my actual due date and I have been ok with that. My 3 oldest were born just days before their due dates so all is well. So I think I dread June 9th more than the 16th. Although Brandon & I were kind of hoping for a June 3rd baby. What a way to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary! Either way I think I just dread June. If we could go straight from May to July-I would be fine with that, but I know we can't. That being said I know that on this journey I face some tough days between now and June. I am dealing with one right now. It may seem silly, but it is our family Garage Sale. I always have 2 a year one in the Spring and 1 in the Fall. I clean out the kids closets, sale everything we can and use the money earned to re-invest for their wardrobe's for that season. I LOVE clothes-especially CUTE children's clothes so I LOVE to shop for them. I also love BARGAINS! So I look any and everywhere to find the best deals possible on quality items. It's my challenge after each sale to see how far I can make that money go! lol. Anyway, this sale was to be the SALE OF ALL SALES. I have containers in my garage of all of my favorite baby clothes. My favorite boy things. My favorite girl things. These are the things that I have never tried to sale. My plan was that this time I would know by now what the baby would be and would sale ALL of the clothing of the other gender. My plan was that this would be our last baby. Well, as I said before God has a plan all his own and it doesn't always match up with our plans. So now I am struggling with what to do. I really want to go forward and have the sale and use the money made to purchase a grave stone for Trevor. But now it's hard for me to go through the items without thinking of Trevor. Especially Trenton's clothes of course because they would have been Trevor's. I know clothes are material things and could all be gone tonight in a fire or any other disaster. It's just something about the clothes that remind me again of the baby boy I will never hold. The baby boy who will never wear those adorable little outfits. So please pray that I can find the joy in the cleaning out so we can purchase just the right grave stone. It's really the last thing I can do for him on earth.

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Sunday, February 21, 2010

A Weekend to Remember

When was the last time you got away? A weekend for just you & your spouse to spend time together. On Friday March 5th Brandon & I will be heading to Wichita for the "A Weekend to Remember" marriage retreat. I can't wait! We attended the one in Tulsa last year and had a wonderful time. I can honestly say that God has blessed me with a wonderful marriage. Mainly because he chose to bless me with a wonderful man. Brandon & I do not argue often because he just doesn't argue. He simply finds a way to work things out with me without an argument. I used to just hate it! I would be all fired up for a good fight. He just wouldn't give in and argue with me. It's a characteristic I have grown to love more & more over the past 16 years. As good as I think our marriage is there is always room for improvement and we learned so much last year. The speakers touch on many marital topics and much is done in humor & fun. We walked away both blessed & challenged. They are equipped to help anyone on the verge of divorce and those that have the best of marriages. We are hoping to have some couples in the area attend with us. If anyone is interested just leave me a comment on here or shoot me a message through facebook and I will be happy to get you more information. We would LOVE to have couples join us! :) It's going to be great!

Friday, February 19, 2010

6 Weeks of Blessings!

6 Weeks ago I lost Trevor. 6 weeks. By the world's standard 6 weeks is the time to return to work after a full term delivery. Funny thing is I carried Trevor a little less than half of term and yet my physical recovery took longer than any of my full term babies. I wonder why? 6 weeks. Some would say that's plenty of time to recover emotionally. I've been told it should be easier since I never knew him. Oh how I wish that were true! What is the timeline for emotional recovery? I have searched for answers to this with no success. I remember looking through a catalog from a company called "A Place to Remember" just a few days after losing Trevor. There was a book similar to a baby book to journal about the baby you lost. It was designed to go from pregnancy until what would be your child's tenth birthday. I freaked out! I couldn't believe it! 10 Years! All I could think was am I going to be in this much pain for 10 years? Wow-that's when it hit me my life really was forever changed! It all happened so fast! As hard as so much of this journey is it is also such a blessing. I have NEVER felt so close to God. Man have I needed him daily this last 6 weeks. Would I have needed him so much had I carried Trevor to June and been blessed with a healthy baby boy? I wonder. Passed experience says probably not. I have been blessed with 3 healthy babies. Their births all brought me great joy and thanksgiving to God! For I knew without him they would not be here. My hearts's desire has always been to raise my children to love the Lord with all of their hearts and I have been concerned about this from conception. But if I am 100 percent honest with you in the joyful, sleepless days that have followed my previous children's births I have never NEEDED God like I NEED him now. What a blessing! And Shame on me! Why does it take losing something so precious to realize how much we truly need God? I am learning and growing so much each day and I owe it all to Trevor! What a blessing his short life has been to me! I have NEVER felt so close to my family. I cherish every moment with them! I miss not having Trevor (in my belly) with us but feel I owe it to him to enjoy all of our family time twice as much! Once for me and once for him! He is so much a part of our family! My kids talk about him almost daily. Not in a tearful sad way but in a I can't wait to see Trevor in Heaven way! We have NEVER talked about Heaven as much as we do now! We owe that to Trevor too. He has changed our family forever! I am so thankful that my kids can talk about him openly and with the HOPE they will see their brother again! What a BLESSING! So although the past 6 weeks has been so painful at times it has also been full of blessings that I would have never known had I not lost my Trevor. For this I am so thankful!

"Now all that I know is hazy and blurred, but then I will see everything clearly, just as clearly as God sees into my heart right now" 1 Corinthians 13:12

Thursday, February 18, 2010

My Trevor

I found this poem in a book that I am reading and I just love it. Although I know my Trevor is not an actual angel I take comfort in this sweet poem.

Lord, Today I sent my Trevor to you.

Please give him wings and let him fly.

He was so little, I hope they'll fit.

Teach him how they flutter by.

I'll miss him so, though we'd never met

And I'll never know his smile,

But you needed him and now he's yours,

He was only mine a while.

He'll never know pain

And he'll never know fear,

For I know that You will keep him near.

And now...

I close my eyes to say Good-bye

And watch him fly away to you.

Keep him Lord, and love him 'till

I come home and join you too.

"Give them wings and let them Fly"

Kymberli Weed Brady

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


"YOUR NOT PREGNANT". How could 3 words hurt so much?? You know how when you are young and your parents always say (at least mine did!) "sticks and stones may break your bones but words well NEVER hurt you!" Well, guess what words CAN & DO hurt! Some words hurt for many years after they are said! Anyway, when I lost Trevor I lost a lot of blood. Since that time I have had to go in every 2 weeks for bloodwork. I am taking an enormous amount of Iron to re-build my blood count, however the doctor says it's going to be a while. They have also been checking my HCG (pregnancy hormone) level to make sure it gets back to zero. The doctor said as long as the number is NOT zero then my body still thinks I am pregnant. Crazy huh!? My brain knows I am no longer pregnant why can't my body catch up?! In the meantime I developed symptoms of what I believed to be a UTI several weeks ago so I have been taking antibiotics for that. Anyone envious of my life yet? No baby, low blood count, my body still thinks I am pregnant and UTI symptoms to boot! Sounds like fun huh! Sorry, I needed a little pity party there! LOL! Well, I went in for my bloodwork a couple of weeks ago and they wanted me to go ahead & do a urine culture. It seems that in our modern day techno society the DNC procedure is still not 100 percent accurate! They have to be careful to get all of the remaining tissue out yet not go so far as to take part of your uterus with it! Lovely huh! Well, it seems that due to my symptoms and my HCG level not yet being at zero, they thought that there may be some tissue left and then they would need to do a follow up DNC to get it out to prevent further infection. Therefore, I was just a little anxious for my results! 48 hours passed the time they were supposed to call, I finally called them. Keep in mind still having UTI symptoms=NOT FUN! I don't get the regular nurse but someone else instead. The usual nurse would have said your HCG level is at ---. However, the sweet little nurse I spoke with on this day said: "Well, Stacy your not pregnant. I was just IN SHOCK! I have seen my file and know that it says Miscarriage ALL OVER IT! So I am thinking-WELL DUH! But I am so glad that I called you today so you could give me that news again! It's not like I don't already think about it 100 times a day but I guess now it will be 101 today! I thank you! But I didn't say a word, I just sat there in silence trying to remember why I called in the first place! Then it came to me and I asked her, "What is my HCG level?" To which she replied 1.38. Which to me was great, so much better than before-almost zero. She then gave me the rest of my results. When I hung up the phone I began to cry as if I had lost Trevor all over again. For a moment I was mad at that nurse! Did she have any idea how much she had just hurt me? You know what, probably not! I am sure she was just busy and had not really looked at my file and had no intention of hurting me! And then I thought back through some of the things God has taught me through my experience! I owe a list of people a huge appology! I have had friends and family before me who have lost their babies before birth. Yes I was sad for them and yes I even prayed for them! But did I have any idea how much they LOVED that baby? No idea whatsoever! I NEVER KNEW THAT YOU COULD LOVE A BABY THAT YOU HAVE NEVER HAD ALIVE OUTSIDE THE WOMB AS MUCH AS YOU LOVE A BABY THAT YOU HAVE WITH YOU ON EARTH-BUT YOU CAN!! YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN! My love for Trevor is just as strong as my LOVE for Samantha, Kailey & Trenton. IT'S NO DIFFERENT! THEY ARE MY CHILDREN-HE IS MY CHILD! And though God didn't give me the privilege of knowing him on earth, he is still just as much my child as they are! I would have NEVER known any of this had I not lost him! Sad that it took me losing him to learn it, to feel it but I KNOW NOW! So to my friends or family who are reading my blog and have lost their baby I AM SORRY, SO SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS! I now know that the baby you lost was your precious child and the grief you have is REAL! YOU LOST A CHILD, not a piece of tissue, A CHILD! So I pray that myself and others will ALWAYS treat it as that! I appologize for the harsh post but needed to get it off my heart. Thanks for listening. And by the way, I am feeling alot better physically now for those of you who have been praying, I thank you!

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer. " Psalm19:14

Sunday, February 14, 2010


"I have found the one whom my soul loves" Song of Solomon 3:4

I met my forever valentine 16 years ago at work. He was in accounting & I did the bookkeeping for our office. He would call me at least once a week to tell me about a mistake I had made. I would quickly tell him-he was WRONG! LOL. We would have a good laugh & over time how our friendship grew. No one had ever made me laugh the way he did. At the time I was not following God & was engaged to a man who wasn't either. One day I received a phone call at work asking if I had seen that days newspaper. It seems my Romeo was not just mine. There was an engagement announcement in the paper with a photo of he and another lady. I was in total shock! We had been engaged for nearly a year. He always had a reason for us to wait a little longer to get married! He wouldn't even set the date! As it turned out he was getting married the following Saturday and not to me! Later that evening I found out about a third fiance he was to marry in a couple of months! Wow-what a day! My life had become an episode of Jerry Springer! My heart was broken! Guess who was right there for me-you guessed it my 4 ever valentine. He became a great friend! Always willing to listen! Always full of wisdom! My family quickly fell in love with him! I thought he was WAY too nice to ever be my boyfriend (what was I thinking?)! Anyway, time went on and we became the best of friends. I FINALLY realized that it's ok to have a nice boyfriend! They are supposed to be nice to you. (DUH!) I fell in LOVE and have NEVER been the same. As the years go by I just fall more in LOVE with him! In the last 2 years we have experienced some of our greatest challenges: career changes, a HUGE move leaving all of our friends and family behind and most recently the death of our child. I could not have gone through any of this without God and a Godly Mate! I am so thankful that God blessed me with Brandon aka my 4 EVER VALENTINE!

Taste & See

"Oh taste & see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him" Psalms 34:8

2010-The Year of Heart Break?

I hate to be down but I have to admit so far 2010 has proved to be my most challenging year yet! On the 4th day of what was suppossed (in my mind) to be a dream year we lost our baby boy. Think about it day 4 of a New Year! We were still on that post holiday high, my resolutions were still fresh and in an instant BAM none of that stuff mattered anymore! I miss him daily & have gone very few without shedding a tear! What a way to start a year! I was NEVER so glad to see January come to an end & February roll around!

February came with more heart break. My very best friend from high school (the best example of living for Christ as a teen that I have ever known) lost her precious mom. She is in Heaven today with my baby boy. My heart is broken for Sue Ellen & her family but I know God is in control and her mom is pain free!

Our church in Oklahoma (where we attended 13 years) has faced many challenges this year too. We still have many friends and family there who we deeply love and care about. Many of them are hurting right now! My heart aches for them and I am praying daily for God to heal them. Sometimes I don't understand why we humans have to be so human! But we are! I just want to be like Jesus!

I know that God has a plan for my 2010 and I completely trust him with it! I have already been given opportunities to share with other women who have lost or are facing loosing a child. Two months ago I could have hurt for them-NOW I HURT WITH THEM! There is a difference! Although my prayer is that no one would ever loose a child again, if one should my prayer is that I could help in any way God would allow. I am no expert but so willing to pray!

I'm praying for a better week for all around me!

"Oh taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him" Psalm 34:8

Friday, February 5, 2010

New Hair Do! New Attitude!

Kailey came to me around Christmas and begged for a haircut. She wanted her hair short like all of her friends. I really was not ready to cut it because I knew she would look so grown up. A couple of weeks ago I decided to consider it (she hasn't stopped asking since Christmas). Last week we made an appt to have it cut on Wednesday after school. And so the countdown began. Every day she asked me how many more days until my haircut. She was more excited about this then she was about Christmas! Every where I went in our little town people would come up and say I heard that Kailey is getting her hair all cut off! I think she had told the whole county-lol! Well, early Wednesday afternoon Brandon received a phone call from the lady who was going to cut Kailey's hair. It seems she had something in her eye and was on the way to the eye doctor to get it taken care of. She didn't know if she would be able to cut Kailey's hair later that evening or if it would have to wait until later in the week. It depended on how things went at the doctor. Boy did Brandon dread having to pick up Kailey from school & tell her the news! Thankfully she called not too long after school let out and was able to cut her hair at 6 that evening! Kailey loves it! I think it is adorable yet I am not sure I can handle the new attitude that came with it! Kailey was spunky & had an attitude with her long hair! But now she can't seem to walk by a mirror without spinning her head & she will say momma don't I look cute with my short hair! Thursday she spent the whole morning worrying about the fact that her hair may be quickly growing back! Then Thursday evening we went out to dinner with some friends of ours, she had finished eating and asked to go play checkers. A little later I hear some people at a table near ours laughing, I look up to see my Kailey doing the chicken dance for the whole place to see! I didn't know she had those kind of moves in her! It's good to be laughing again! And Kailey can always find new ways to make us all have a great laugh! We have said from day 1 she keeps our life interesting and I can honestly say that still holds true! She wanted me to put her before pics along with the after on here. We are hoping to donate her hair to locks for love so I will let you know how that turns out. If you happen to run in to us around town, please be sure to notice her hair if you don't she will spin her head until you do-lol! Happy Hairdays to all!

"A Cheerful Heart is good medicine" Proverbs 17:22

Steven Curtis Chapman: My Life and My Family - ABC News

Steven Curtis Chapman: My Life and My Family - ABC News

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Her Baby is in Heaven with Jesus

As many of you know God has blessed me with a day care that I own and operate in our small town. I have the privilege of taking care of other people's blessings as well as my own 3 each day. A few days ago I noticed my daughter Kailey and another little girl her age were playing with the baby dolls. The other girl had placed a baby boy doll in her shirt & Kailey was quick to inform me that her friend was pregnant. Their game continued on & Kailey proceded to put on a lab coat & had a stethoscope pretending to listen for a heartbeat. It wasn't long before she informed her friend that her baby had died and was now in heaven with Jesus. The two girls then came over to tell me the same thing. For a moment it broke my heart. Just weeks ago this thought would have NEVER crossed Kailey's mind. They would have played the same game and a happy, healthy baby doll would have been born. Just as we were planning. But given the recent events in our home, Kailey, just like us has a whole new perspective on life & how quickly it can be taken away. She wasn't sad in any way (and yes I know these were just dolls they were playing with) but Kailey & her friend were happy & rejoicing over the fact that her friend's baby was in Heaven and being held by Jesus. It reminded me that I to should be rejoicing that my Trevor really is in Heaven being held by Jesus. It's amazing what you can learn from a child if you just take the time to listen with your heart as well as your ears.

"Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it" Mark 10:15

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Just Those Few Weeks

For those few weeks-
I had you to myself.
And that seems to short a time
to be changed so profoundly.

In those few weeks-
I came to know you...
and to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh, what a life I had planned for you!

Just those few weeks-
When I lost you,
I lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams and aspirations...
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.

Just those few weeks-
It wasn't enough time to convince others
how special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died
and no one is mourning the passing.

Just a mere few weeks-
And no "normal" person would cry all night
over a tiny, unfinished baby,
or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.
No one would, so why am I?

You were just those few weeks my little one
you darted in and out my life too quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed
to make my life so much richer
and give me a small glimpse of eternity.

By Susan Erling Martinez
A poem about Miscarriage

I found this poem & thought I would share it with you. I can relate to it in many ways. However, Praise God I am not depressed or withdrawn. In fact it's quite the opposite. God has blessed me with such wonderful friends & family that allow me to talk about Trevor any time I need to. They never act uncomfortable and are always willing to listen! So instead of being withdrawn I have actually grown closer to people and I praise God for that!

I hope this poem can be used to bless someone else who has experienced a sudden loss of their precious baby.

I do now have just a small glimpse of eternity and let me just tell you if you have a relationship with Jesus Christ, your eternity, like mine, is going to be WONDERFUL!

Good Night all, talk to you soon!