Journey to June: My Angel Baby

I love poetry! This week I am coming up on the three month mark since losing Trevor. The point when the books I have read say the hard grieving comes to an end. Oh if only my life were ever by the book. I came across this poem in a book I am reading and it touched my heart and what I am feeling right now.

My Angel Baby

Once an idea conceived in my mind

and then in body.

Nurtured, loved and cared for,

although we never met.

An impression left within my heart

I NEVER will forget.

Why did you exit so quickly?

My opportunity to love someone else.

The lesson is in the seed.

The lesson is in me.

-Teri Noel

Little Angels

As I read about another child just 4 years old who went to be with Jesus last night after a battle with cancer, I was reminded of a poem that a friend gave me recently.

Little Angels

When God calls little children to

dwell with Him above,

We mortals sometimes question the

wisdom of his love.

For no heartache compares with the

death of one small child,

Who does so much to make our

world seem so wonderful and mild.

Perhaps God tires of calling the

aged to his fold.

So He picks a rose bud before

It can grow old.

God knows how much we need them,

and so He takes but few,

To make the land of heaven more

beautiful to view.

Believing this is difficult

somehow we must try,

The saddest word mankind knows

will always be "Goodbye".

So when a little child departs

we who are left behind

Must realize God loves children,

angels are hard to find.

Please join me in prayer for the Zeka family of Broken Arrow, OK. They said goodbye to their 4 year old angel around 11:00pm last night as her battle with cancer came to an end. She now rests comfortably in the arms of Jesus.

Parent Teacher Conferences-Spring 2010

I Want to share a brief statement made by a teacher at one of my girls conferences last week. She said I know one thing is for sure: you & Brandon have done a good job with your daughter in the area of her heart. I am by no means sharing this to brag about Brandon & I. For I know we have failed at parenting in so many ways and I also know that there are many people around us (both family and friends) who have made a positive impact on our children's lives-including this particular teacher. In what has been our toughest year to date she has done an AMAZING job with our daughter. She went on to say your daughter is very sensitive to the needs of those around her. She said she seems to have a very sincere heart. I walked out of the conference AMAZED! First off that the teacher has seen this in our daughter, I have seem glimpses of it but still was unsure. Second that the teacher was willing to share that with us. I was so blessed by those words. As much I desire for my children to succeed academically, if they fail everything but have a Sincere heart that loves others. I will be blessed.


"And the King will tell them, 'I assure you, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!' Matthew 25:40"

A Weekend to Remember-remembered

Sorry I haven't written in so long. After we returned from a Weekend to Remember Trenton fell ill and it was a week long battle to get him over the fever. Therefore, he needed lots of mommy time. Of course, I loved every minute of it but I am so glad he is feeling much better now.

I wanted to share with you just a little bit about our weekend. It truly was wonderful! This was our third Weekend to Remember Conference, so to be honest I really was not expecting to learn much (sorry for my pride). I was excited to get away with just Brandon for a couple of days though. I have shared with you in a previous post that I think he & I really do have a great marriage. When we arrived on Friday night and picked up our materials (they were the same books as the conference last year). The first one we went to was in 2002 so of course last years materials were different from then. So now I am really thinking "Oh great we are here for a do over session". Well, we get in and find our seats. For those of you who are not familiar with Family Life or A Weekend to Remember they have several couples who travel and speak at these conferences all over the nation in the Spring & Fall. Their Speakers are Wonderful and God uses them powerfully! Well, they introduce the speakers for the weekend and guess what-One of the couples was the same couple we had heard last year in Tulsa. So now I am really thinking-DO OVER! As I sat there Friday night and listened, seated right behind my doctor (for Trevor) and his wife (small world). God just hit my prideful self upside the head. In that gentle, loving way that only he can. It was like everything I was hearing was all new. Although there were tidbits that I remembered from last year most all of it was new and different this year. Maybe because our marriage is different this year. Toward the end of the evening the speaker gave some scary statistics: Couples who have a child with a disabilty have a 80% chance they will divorce. Couples who lose a child through death have a 70% chance they will divorce. I have known from January 4, 2010-that we could either allow God to use Trevor's short life to bring us closer together in our marriage or we could allow Satan to tear us apart. It is our choice. One we face everyday. One, neither Brandon or I take lightly. So my daily prayer has been that God bring us closer together and in so many ways he has. The main thing that I took from the conference is that my spouse is God's gift to me. He is to be treated as such. I can honestly say that in almost 15 years of marriage I am not sure that I every really looked at Brandon as a gift from God just for me. I have thanked God for him more times than I can count.I have been blessed through our marriage in so many ways but God's gift? Wow! What a new way to look at him! I have the privilege of spending my life with the Gift God chose just for me! So my challenge to you married folks out there is this: each day as you look at your spouse remember they are God's gift to you and who knows you any better than God. He KNEW exactly who you needed! Enjoy your gifts!



"There are lots of things you can do with sand; but do not try building a house on it."-C.S. Lewis

I am behind.

Good Evening All:

I know I am way behind on my posts. I have so much to share with you all. I hope I have some time to write tonight after I get my precious kiddos to bed. Talk with you soon.

Trenton's First BirthdayTrenton's Second Birthday

Man, did he age in a year's time?

Hey Good Lookin! My Lil Man is 3!

I can't believe how he is growing. Trenton was due March 11, 2007. I was in hope that he would be born on my Nana's birthday March 7th. On the morning of March 5th I woke up feeling great. Samantha was at school & Kailey was spending the day with me. I was doing laundry and some chores around the house at around 9:30 AM when I felt my water break. I phoned Brandon and he returned home. We made the trip to the hospital where Trenton was born around 4:45 that afternoon. It was a great day! He was born with lots of dark brown hair (he had so much more than either of the girls-it would have looked great in a bow!), dark eyes that looked almost brown and a tan like he had been at the beach. I remember my aunt bringing the girls up to see him and questioning was he the right baby? He was definitely ours! He has 2 big sisters so boys were all new to me. After those first few nights at home I just knew I was going to have to hire a helper just to do his laundry. Every time I would change a diaper he would pee EVERYWHERE on EVERYTHING! By morning there would be a mountain of laundry from the night! Onesies, pj's and blankets all stacked up. I wasn't sure what I had gotten myself in to! Between trying to care for the circumcision, the navel and keep from being peed on-he was a job! I bought these things called pee-pee tee-pees. They looked like little tents that you could put on him to keep from being peed on-yeah right. He would pee and shoot the tee-pee across the room! Those were the days! One day I started singing "Hey good lookin, whatcha got cookin" to him he just laughed & laughed. So every time he would begin to cry, I would just sing that chorus to him and instant quiet. It wasn't long before the girls would join in and sing it to him too! So that kind of became his song-even though we didn't know all the lyrics-the girls and I would just make them up as went along! So the music on here is in honor of him. Three years later and I am still so thrilled God chose me to be his mommy. His smile melts my heart. I love nothing more than those little spontaneous hugs he so often gives me. It's as if he knows just when I need them most! He loves to help-all the time! He loves to cuddle and loves to read. That's about the only time he sits still! He loves to follow his daddy everywhere! He is always ready to go on a road trip! Happy 3rd Birthday Trenton! No matter how old you are, you will always be My Lil Man!

"For this child I have prayed and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of Him." 1 Samuel 1:27

Trevor Mark Hagins at OneTrueMedia.com

2 Months today. I thought I would share my story once again. I know there are some who still have not seen it. To those of you who have, I appologize but I felt led to share it again. Don't forget to silence the music at the bottom of my blog to hear the video music.

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Surprise 2009 at OneTrueMedia.com

Tomorrow marks 2 Months since our little Trevor went to wait for us in Heaven. My heart still aches more than I ever could have imagined. I thought I would share the video we used to announce our news back in November. Enjoy. Don't forget to silence the music at the bottom of my blog to hear the video music.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Children's Footprints

I am a HUGE poetry fan and I found a poem that touched my heart tonight. It was in a Bible Study that I am doing on miscarriage. Who knew there was such a thing? I sure didn't 2 Months ago but now I know. In fact if you or any one you know needs resources on miscarriage or the loss of a child, please send them my way. I will be happy to share what I have learned.

Children's Footprints

Some children come into our lives and go quickly.

Some children come into our lives and stay awhile.

All our children come into our lives and leave footprints-----

Some oh so small;

Some a little larger;

Some, larger still,

But all have left their footprints on our lives; in our hearts,

And we will never, never be the same.

By Doreen Sexton

Journey to June: Missing You

Today has been one of those challenging days, not sure why just woke up missing him. Missing being pregnant. Even missing all of the nausea! I was more sick with Trevor than I had been with any of my other pregnancies. I didn't think that I would EVER miss that! But today I do! I would stay that sick for 9 WHOLE months just to have Trevor! My heart has NEVER ached like this before but I know that God still loves me and can heal my heart in time if I will allow him to. Snow has been falling for at least an hour. It reminds me that God is still in control of every situation-even mine!

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 2:9