When God created me---he created someone who lives on, thrives on, LOVES, LOVES, LOVES details! I have to be careful or I can become completely consumed with them! The jobs that I have had that I have LOVED the most have all been centered around---you guessed it---Details! With that love for details comes this memory that at times can be a curse! I can remember things from forever ago---not just a little but every last detail down to the complete outfit---including socks & undergarments I was wearing at the time of such memory. This can drive others around me crazy! Sammy will try to debate me on things in the past and Brandon just says "you may as well give up, your mom remembers everything!" Poor guy--he has learned throughout the years. Finally now that he is in ministry--he appreciates that I can remember those things for him. All of that being said I just can't get the memory of all of the events of this day one year ago out of my head. It was a Sunday--just like any other Sunday. We got up and attended church as usual. When we got home from church we finished putting some things away in our bedroom. We had rearranged the day before to make room for the Amby Bed we would be purchasing in the near future. We finished the room just in time to head out to the movies in Coldwater for a date night---a real treat for us! We went to see Blindside. I had my usual Popcorn with Ranch topping while Brandon opted for his plain popcorn. While we were muching before the movie Brandon received a text from a lady in our church stating that her daughter said that we could her daughter's Amby bed--we were soooo excited! I remember having a couple of odd pains during the movie but not anything I would have ever been concerned about. The movie was good and we returned home. After the kids were tucked in their beds we watched a little tv. I remember telling Brandon about the odd pains---but neither of us were really concerned. After all I had given birth to 3 healthy children with 3 uneventful pregnancies--why would this time be any different? We proceeded to call it a night. I can remember every detail of that day--every smell along the way---the smell of the new dresser Brandon had put together that day. The smell of the popcorn, my clean pj's-you get the picture! Those details go through my mind time and time again. And as today marks a year they are freshly on my mind. I have questioned myself at least a thousand times----Why didn't I go to the doctor when I had those odd pains? In my heart I know he would have just sent me back home though. After all, I had nothing else to be concerned about. No other symptoms, prior problems, etc. So tonight as I go to bed I can't help but ask myself, if it happened today would I do anything any differently? Again, I have to say no and just accept that it is all a part of God's plan. While there are many details I can control in this life--God has shown me that human life is so fragile and from conception--he and only he is in control.
“For YOU created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful I know that full well.” Psalm 139: 13-14
A New Normal
7 months ago
You have been on my mind so much!I am a detail person too. I remember a boy I had on crush on a church camp in the 4th grade I still remember the exact shoes he wore. :) So I get the detail thing I can remember every single thing that led up to deliverey everything that was said and done in that room. It's the things that happened aftert the funneral I get a little foggy on. Your still very much in my prayers! I hope you had a best as you can Christmas season. Love Ya AShley
ReplyDelete