Journey to June: Malaysia Bound?

To tell the story completely I have to take you back to November of '09. We were in Tulsa for Thanksgiving celebrating all we had to be thankful for with our family. This year we had alot to be thankful for. Our family expecting in June, my sister, Amy expecting in August and my cousin, Steven and his wife, Angela expecting in August too. Wow! Our family would grow by 3 by next Thanksgiving! We were all so excited! We had our traditional Thanksgiving Feast where no-one could possibly go away hungry. Several hours later after much of the lunch guests had left, we had a board, card any kind of game frenzy! It was so much! I LOVE going to my aunt & uncle's home because they love to play games. We have always played games with them as far back as I can remember. When Brandon joined the family he joined our games! In the middle of one of the games we began to talk about mission trips, this is one of Brandon's favorite subjects. He went on one several years ago with my aunt & uncle and was hooked! He has gone out of the country with them on 2 occassions and done several mission trips in the states. I knew he has been longing to go out of the country with then again. I have never been out of the country on a trip with them as I have always either been pregnant or nursing a newborn when he has gone and I am good with that. Anyway we found out that this year they would be taking a group to Malaysia (they have done 2 trips a year-1 foreign & 1 domestic) for several years now. Brandon's eyes lit up like a child with a new toy! He asked when they would be going. It was to be in June. His face quickly changed. We arrived back home after Thanksgiving weekend and discussed the trip several times. One day I decided I thought that he should take the trip. The timing of it would not be great. We would have a newborn plus three other children to care for but I would enlist help from family and we would be ok. He was ecstatic. Then our next trip to Tulsa came, it was Christmas 2009-the Christmas of the blizzard. We were stranded on Christmas Eve at a Motel just 35 miles form our destination with my nervous Nana in tow. I will share that whole story some other time. Anyway, when we finally made it to my Aunt's, we again feasted and again had a game frenzy. Once again the conversation turned toward the mission trip. We began to discuss the details. It turns out the team was leaving on my due date. Well that changed things-ALOT. Although, all my kids had been born early could we really count on that this time? Could we count on it enough to spend the $2,000.00 plus dollars needed for Brandon to go and then he possibly be stuck here with a wife in labor. Because believe me while I have heart for missions and would want him to be in Malaysia any other time (if he felt led to), if I am in labor-he is with me! So we agreed his mission trip would have to wait for now. He seemed ok with that. Now, we get home from our trip December 28th, just days later finds me in the Hospital in Pratt, KS. I have just come out of my DNC surgery. Although, I gave birth to baby Trevor at home, I had to have surgery to deliver everything else. Keep in mind I lost ALOT of blood, I have ALOT of drugs in me, I am tired and I am in a complete state of shock! A complete whirlwind of emotions! I look at Brandon and say, "Well, I guess you can go to Malaysia now, there is really nothing to keep you here." It was one of those things I meant what a said but yet I really didn't, if that makes any sense. A couple of days later, we decided to get out of the house for a while. We take a trip to Dodge City to buy a few groceries. Now for those of you who don't know about Rural Kansas. We live 63-68 miles from Wal-Mart in any direction we go. So we set out to Dodge. Brandon, Trenton & I eat some lunch then head to Wal-Mart. While there Brandon says I need to go get my picture made for my passport. I couldn't believe it! You mean he is actually going to leave me on my due date, how insensitive is he! He heads off to gets his picture taken. I walk through Wal-Mart sobbing like a crazy lady! I have a huge pile of feminine products in my cart! I needed more that I ever could have imagined and they were on sale! I know that is TMI but I just want you to picture this! I am walking through Wal-Mart with a cart half-way full of pads stacked 4 high all the way across. Sobbing! Can you imagine the looks I was getting from people. People did double takes-first at me and then at my cart! I am really surprised they didn't haul me right out of there! Well, I decide to go get all my hair cut off. The layers had grown out and I just decided to cut it all off. I get control of myself and head to the hair cut place in Wal-Mart. I have never been there before. I tell the lady with multi-colored hair to just cut it like hers. She was a friendly girl and started trying to make conversation with me. I really just wanted to sit there in silence but she talked and I listened. Then she asked a question-I wonder if she will ever ask anyone again! She asked how many children I have. I sat there trying so hard to fight the tears. How do I even answer that now? Do I just lie and say 3 and pretend Trevor doesn't exsist? Do I say 4 and hope she doesn't ask anymore about them? Tears flooded my face, she looked as white as the streaks in her hair! I said 4-I just couldn't NOT acknowledge Trevor. He is my child! I sank in the chair. She said 4? Wow-how old are they? More tears came! They just kept coming. Finally she said oh-I am so sorry. I said that's ok it's just been a tough week. She quickly finished my hair and got me out of there. As I was paying I could see her looking my cart over. I know she thought crazy lady! Her poor kids! Anyway, I met back up with Brandon-he was shocked first off at my hair cut and next at why was I so upset? After all I did say he could go. I thought about this for several days (& nights). I cried & cried. Could I face being alone on my due date? Then 1 night it hit me. I have NEVER had a child on my due date and most likely would not this time. Why not do something in honor of Trevor in early June and then Brandon could go on to Malaysia and I could spend some quality time with our kids. Since then I have been fine with it. I know God is the only one who can heal my heart. He can do that with Brandon here or Brandon in Malaysia. If we are obedient to God he will honor that. The next issue was finances. We really had not budgeted for this since we didn't think he was going to be able to go. Therefore after much prayer and consideration we have decided to use the funds from our Garage Sale next Saturday to help pay for his trip. I know that I had said in a previous post that the money would be used for a head stone but we have changed our plan. We know in time we will still be able to purchase the head stone but need the funds for missions right now. We have also received donations of items to sale from some of our generous church members. If anyone else in the Comanche County area has items they need to get rid of we will gladly pick them up. Any donated items that do not sale will be given to the Tabitha House in Ashland, KS. Sorry for the commercial but also know that without sharing what we are doing I may rob someone else of a blessing of being able to do something that God has called them to do. I thank all of you for your comments and especially for your prayers. They are appreciated more than you will ever know!


But my life is worth nothing unless I use it for doing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about God’s wonderful kindness and love.
- Acts 20:24