I am pumped!

I am pumped! Rejoicing, rejoicing, rejoicing! Can you imagine being told after a routine ultrasound that your baby would not live after the umbilical cord was cut? Can you imagine a medical staff trying to convince you to take your baby's life because she would not survive outside the womb? Can you imagine a doctor telling you to plan your baby's funeral before you have even given birth? Well, I can't. Now can you imagine being that mommy and carrying that baby the rest of your pregnancy just waiting and worrying and wondering day after day after day. Others around you all expecting too! All expecting healthy babies! How unbearable that pain must be! But prayers surround you-many, many prayers on your behalf. Today that baby was born. She weighed in at just over 4lbs. Miraculously breathing after the cord was cut. Yes she needs a surgery, but she is ALIVE! God is good and I am so thankful to have an ALL-KNOWING LOVING GOD who cares for us. Many prayers are still needed but at this moment there is a living breathing miracle in Kansas. Praise the Lord! Please keep praying God knows who the family is and I will keep you posted of her progress.

"In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me. From the depths of the grave I called for help, and you listened to my cry." Jonah 2:2

My heart just broke....AGAIN.

My heart just broke again yesterday. I learned about a friend whose baby just joined my little Trevor in Heaven. A baby right around Trevor's age taken so soon from his mommy & daddy. So unexpected, so sudden. My first thought was Why? Why God why? Why have you allowed another baby to be taken away so soon? The pain still so fresh to me tears streamed down my face. Then God said wait. Think about the blessings that have come from little Trevor's life. Think about the friends and family you have grown closer to. Think about the friends you didn't know just 5 months ago. So many of them have been the biggest encouragment to you through this journey. Think about the way you LOVE your kids now in a whole NEW WAY. Not that you didn't LOVE them before but it's different now...BETTER even. Think on these things. God impressed this upon my heart at such a painful time. Maybe he wants to bless that family the way he has blessed ours. As hard as the pain can be...man are the blessings wonderful. Those blessings have got me through the toughest of days and while I know I am still on the journey I know God will get me through. Please join me in prayer for a friend & her sweet family as they go through this tragic time. I do not have permission to mention her name but God knows her & he loves her just as he does you & me. It's your prayers that have brought me through and I know they can help her to. God bless you.


"You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." Psalm 56:8

All that I can say is.....WOW!

All that I can say is WOW! We were so humbled & blessed beyond words this past week! God is so Good! We were blessed with so many generous donations for the Garage Sale. So many generous people came and bought items. So many donated money above what was owed. We are so thankful. We received yet another generous donation of cash after the sale and then again on Monday at the daycare. We are so humbled and amazed. The cost of airfare increased so Brandon's trip will cost $2,500.00. In one weekend we were blessed with $1,800.00. God is so Good! Can I say it again God is so Good! Thanks so much to each and every one of you who had a part in that. Some I know, some I don't but God knows all of you and he knows your hearts. When Brandon travels to Malaysia in June to share the gospel with College Students each one of you who contributed will have a part in everything that is said and done there. Please begin praying now that many souls will be reached for the kingdom! Thank you again to the wonderful people of Comanche County. We have lived here 22 months and I cannot think of a better place to be! May God continue to use and bless each one of you! We love you!

Journey to June: A Time

As I celebrate my Risen Savior just 3 months to the day since my precious son went to be with him. I want to share another poem full of hope.

A Time

There was a time for love,

a time for dreams,

a time for anticipation.

There is a time for loss,

a time for sorrow,

a time for faith.

There will be a time for hope,

a time for joy,

and a time for life.

"There are three things that remain-

faith, hope and love-

and the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13

Journey to June: Malaysia Bound?

To tell the story completely I have to take you back to November of '09. We were in Tulsa for Thanksgiving celebrating all we had to be thankful for with our family. This year we had alot to be thankful for. Our family expecting in June, my sister, Amy expecting in August and my cousin, Steven and his wife, Angela expecting in August too. Wow! Our family would grow by 3 by next Thanksgiving! We were all so excited! We had our traditional Thanksgiving Feast where no-one could possibly go away hungry. Several hours later after much of the lunch guests had left, we had a board, card any kind of game frenzy! It was so much! I LOVE going to my aunt & uncle's home because they love to play games. We have always played games with them as far back as I can remember. When Brandon joined the family he joined our games! In the middle of one of the games we began to talk about mission trips, this is one of Brandon's favorite subjects. He went on one several years ago with my aunt & uncle and was hooked! He has gone out of the country with them on 2 occassions and done several mission trips in the states. I knew he has been longing to go out of the country with then again. I have never been out of the country on a trip with them as I have always either been pregnant or nursing a newborn when he has gone and I am good with that. Anyway we found out that this year they would be taking a group to Malaysia (they have done 2 trips a year-1 foreign & 1 domestic) for several years now. Brandon's eyes lit up like a child with a new toy! He asked when they would be going. It was to be in June. His face quickly changed. We arrived back home after Thanksgiving weekend and discussed the trip several times. One day I decided I thought that he should take the trip. The timing of it would not be great. We would have a newborn plus three other children to care for but I would enlist help from family and we would be ok. He was ecstatic. Then our next trip to Tulsa came, it was Christmas 2009-the Christmas of the blizzard. We were stranded on Christmas Eve at a Motel just 35 miles form our destination with my nervous Nana in tow. I will share that whole story some other time. Anyway, when we finally made it to my Aunt's, we again feasted and again had a game frenzy. Once again the conversation turned toward the mission trip. We began to discuss the details. It turns out the team was leaving on my due date. Well that changed things-ALOT. Although, all my kids had been born early could we really count on that this time? Could we count on it enough to spend the $2,000.00 plus dollars needed for Brandon to go and then he possibly be stuck here with a wife in labor. Because believe me while I have heart for missions and would want him to be in Malaysia any other time (if he felt led to), if I am in labor-he is with me! So we agreed his mission trip would have to wait for now. He seemed ok with that. Now, we get home from our trip December 28th, just days later finds me in the Hospital in Pratt, KS. I have just come out of my DNC surgery. Although, I gave birth to baby Trevor at home, I had to have surgery to deliver everything else. Keep in mind I lost ALOT of blood, I have ALOT of drugs in me, I am tired and I am in a complete state of shock! A complete whirlwind of emotions! I look at Brandon and say, "Well, I guess you can go to Malaysia now, there is really nothing to keep you here." It was one of those things I meant what a said but yet I really didn't, if that makes any sense. A couple of days later, we decided to get out of the house for a while. We take a trip to Dodge City to buy a few groceries. Now for those of you who don't know about Rural Kansas. We live 63-68 miles from Wal-Mart in any direction we go. So we set out to Dodge. Brandon, Trenton & I eat some lunch then head to Wal-Mart. While there Brandon says I need to go get my picture made for my passport. I couldn't believe it! You mean he is actually going to leave me on my due date, how insensitive is he! He heads off to gets his picture taken. I walk through Wal-Mart sobbing like a crazy lady! I have a huge pile of feminine products in my cart! I needed more that I ever could have imagined and they were on sale! I know that is TMI but I just want you to picture this! I am walking through Wal-Mart with a cart half-way full of pads stacked 4 high all the way across. Sobbing! Can you imagine the looks I was getting from people. People did double takes-first at me and then at my cart! I am really surprised they didn't haul me right out of there! Well, I decide to go get all my hair cut off. The layers had grown out and I just decided to cut it all off. I get control of myself and head to the hair cut place in Wal-Mart. I have never been there before. I tell the lady with multi-colored hair to just cut it like hers. She was a friendly girl and started trying to make conversation with me. I really just wanted to sit there in silence but she talked and I listened. Then she asked a question-I wonder if she will ever ask anyone again! She asked how many children I have. I sat there trying so hard to fight the tears. How do I even answer that now? Do I just lie and say 3 and pretend Trevor doesn't exsist? Do I say 4 and hope she doesn't ask anymore about them? Tears flooded my face, she looked as white as the streaks in her hair! I said 4-I just couldn't NOT acknowledge Trevor. He is my child! I sank in the chair. She said 4? Wow-how old are they? More tears came! They just kept coming. Finally she said oh-I am so sorry. I said that's ok it's just been a tough week. She quickly finished my hair and got me out of there. As I was paying I could see her looking my cart over. I know she thought crazy lady! Her poor kids! Anyway, I met back up with Brandon-he was shocked first off at my hair cut and next at why was I so upset? After all I did say he could go. I thought about this for several days (& nights). I cried & cried. Could I face being alone on my due date? Then 1 night it hit me. I have NEVER had a child on my due date and most likely would not this time. Why not do something in honor of Trevor in early June and then Brandon could go on to Malaysia and I could spend some quality time with our kids. Since then I have been fine with it. I know God is the only one who can heal my heart. He can do that with Brandon here or Brandon in Malaysia. If we are obedient to God he will honor that. The next issue was finances. We really had not budgeted for this since we didn't think he was going to be able to go. Therefore after much prayer and consideration we have decided to use the funds from our Garage Sale next Saturday to help pay for his trip. I know that I had said in a previous post that the money would be used for a head stone but we have changed our plan. We know in time we will still be able to purchase the head stone but need the funds for missions right now. We have also received donations of items to sale from some of our generous church members. If anyone else in the Comanche County area has items they need to get rid of we will gladly pick them up. Any donated items that do not sale will be given to the Tabitha House in Ashland, KS. Sorry for the commercial but also know that without sharing what we are doing I may rob someone else of a blessing of being able to do something that God has called them to do. I thank all of you for your comments and especially for your prayers. They are appreciated more than you will ever know!


But my life is worth nothing unless I use it for doing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about God’s wonderful kindness and love.
- Acts 20:24